Hello and welcome to my newsletter! I’m Jor-El and I’m a therapist and author of The Shadow Work Workbook and Self-Care for Black Men. I’m here to share my perspectives on life, mental health, and self-compassion. Thanks for being here!
”What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?”
Now a chipped aged version of its previous self, this prompt is the message one of my favorite mugs gently forces me to answer every time I pick it up. It’s matte black with a smooth touch, but more than how it feels in the hand it’s importance has more emotional heft.
While it has a message many of us could do well to explore from time to time, it’s personal meaning also reflects the reality of vulnerability and what it means to feel seen.
I’m a recovering perfectionist
This unassuming mug was gifted to me by a boss and mentor who helped me grow in my personal and professional confidence as an undergraduate (many moons ago). At the time, I knew that I was risk-averse, but it also seemed like everything I did was a bit outside of my comfort zone.
In my earlier years I was considered a “high-achieving” kid. Friendly competition between me and my classmates (yes, I guess that also means I was a nerd) helped me develop an appetite for challenge. Along with that came a lot of calculated risk. It’s not something I fault myself for now, but there is a large part of me that’s still wary when any opportunity or challenge presents itself. I don’t often start strong, but almost always manage to finish in grand fashion.
With competition and challenge came high expectations and pressure to perform. So much so that sometimes I don’t give myself a chance to pursue something if I’m not sure that it will work out in my favor. Thankfully, I’ve come a long way in trusting myself a bit more and getting more comfortable with stepping outside of what otherwise seems like a sure thing.
It wasn’t until a few years ago, and continuing work on myself, that I internalized the message on the mug. What I first saw as a potential challenge to my character, now serves as a gentle nudge of inspiration. It also reminds me that this mentor probably saw things in me that I wasn’t aware of at the time - perhaps the pressure to perform, the fear of taking risks, and lots of potential.
She’s taken a few beatings over the years, but I still have the mug. It now houses my pet’s toothbrushing supplies. Even when I don’t consciously look at it daily, I know exactly where it is even if it’s crowded behind the plethora of other cups and mugs I somehow manage to use daily.
It’s there always reminding me of my greatness and the power of possibility.
Questions for reflection
What tokens do you have that symbolize possibility and potential in your life?
How would you describe your relationship with risk-taking? What personal history do you think contributes to the stories you have in your head about you taking chances?
What supports or resources might help you bolster your courage and step more boldly going forward?