Falling Apart is Good for Your Mental Health
All good things fall apart sometimes, just like cookies
Welcome to Coffee & Contemplation! Lately, I’ve been thinking a bit more about the messiness of life and how necessary it is to give ourselves space to fall apart.
So much of what we have to say these days about mental health centers on the idea of doing, and being, the best version of ourselves. At best, this sentiment inspires us to live more healthily, and at its worse, it creates pressure that makes us contort ourselves into no longer feeling hard feelings, or just performing mental health rather than actually cultivating it. Sometimes, we just need to fall apart.
I’ve been writing on the internet for many years now. What once was an outlet for my personal exploration of identity and my blooming afro later became an outlet to share more mental health content for people looking for insight from a responsible source. That work is important. Yet, I also understand just how easy it can be, as a consumer, to see all the mental health content online and see nothing but inspiration and motivation porn.
In order to be healthier, you have to “do better.”
You have to do better, to be better.
This often ignores the fact that a holistic perspective on mental health also requires falling to pieces at times.
Mental health is not about optimization and control. Of course, we must have skills to manage our mental health. We have to find resilience to suffer the ongoing onslaught of indignities we are subjected to under capitalism, racism, sexism, queerphobia, etc.
It’s also critical to understand that it’s OK to also have full expression of our feelings too. For true mental health, we need to be able sit on the floor in a dark room and puddle while Adele’s voice soars in the background, or throw an objectively safe tantrum while Zack de la Rocha rages against the machine.
All good things fall apart sometimes. Like cookies…and people.
Crumbling under the weight of stress and societal indignities isn’t a failure. It’s a necessity.
We have to allow ourselves heartbreak. We experience hard moments at the hands of institutions but also from lovers, family, and friends. Sometimes coworkers are also the harbingers of our pain. We don’t have to perform resilience at all times.
It’s healthy to create safe space and time to fall apart.
That emotional release and catharsis is necessary for mental health.
Just be sure that you have lifelines that help you get unstuck when you need.
To help you continue your practice of self-reflection I have a few questions that I encourage you to journal on when you make a few quiet moments for yourself…
Questions for reflection:
How often do you give yourself the space to fall apart when you’re stressed or overwhelmed?
What are the barriers or other factors in place that keep you from taking the space you need for catharsis?
Who or what can help you rebound from moments of “falling apart” so that you don’t get stuck there? How can you go about building those reliable supports and lifelines?
I’m tearing up at the timeliness of this post for me. I can’t make it all the way through because I will fall apart here in public. When I get home I’m going to read and allow myself to fully fall apart