Caring for Myself
Learning to release guilt and embrace healing
Many of us have a hard time taking care of ourselves. In my experience as a therapist, it seems a lot of us maybe live with the subconscious belief that we aren’t worthy of care or rest, or that we should be strong and resilient enough to not require rest and recharge at all.
And then there is, of course, the social pressures to be hyper-productive and over-perform.
A few weeks ago I got COVID for the first time.
Initially, I flagged the throat irritation and fatigue as allergies, which is plausible considering climate change’s impact on the allergy season. And there have been many times in the past several years when I thought I had COVID only to discover that it was allergies or throat irritation as a result of air pollution.
But, this time was different. The symptoms lingered and then came the fever. I was sick. I was sicker than I have been in many years, and yet it was still a somewhat “mild” fever and case of coronavirus. And it was exactly that, the “mildness” of it all, that left me fighting with myself to take time to rest and recover.
Even though I explore the idea of self-care a lot, I’m still a human being in the same capitalist system that overvalues productivity and showing up, even when you’re sick. Once a test confirmed my infection, I still struggled with the idea of taking much-needed time off from work. I made excuses for myself like, “But I work from home!” But as the reality of my illness set in, I realized that it was even hard to muster the energy to stay upright for more than 15 minutes at a time. And then there was the fever and chills.
How could I possibly show up for my clients when this was how I was operating at baseline?
Ultimately, I did my best to practice radical acceptance and acknowledge that being sick is serious and the best I could do was allow myself to rest. I had to take care of myself, and take time to rest all while battling any related guilt from taking the time off I needed.
The truth is that for many of us we see taking the time to really care for ourselves is a luxury. But, it is anything but. It was in that moment that I remembered the ancestor’s sage advice…
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare." Audre Lorde
Sometimes the most meaningful political act we can do is to challenge our own internalized ideas about what it means to be a human in our world. The battle for personhood often takes place in our own mind and hearts as we resist external pressures that remove our capacity for wholeness and humanity.
Let this moment be a reminder that no matter your circumstance, healing, rest, and recovery are necessary for your physical and psychological survival.
I loved this piece. thank you